I had an idea a while back. It seemed simple enough – unless you know about me – and brainstorms. By that I mean brain STORMS. I’ve never known why I can’t do like other people do: have an idea, discuss it at leisure with interested parties, formulate a plan, and several months later get capital and support to make it happen.
But when I have a new insight, I wrestle the idea and its ramifications like a dog with a tasty, but rubber bone. I hate that! Then getting it down is like trying to draw an active volcano – while sitting atop! It keeps bursting out in new directions; it won’t just hold still like the ones in books.
My way seems more like some kid’s idea of algebra at its worst! I get a notion, whence brings forth a missing element. We’ll call this x, but just like unknowns do for many aspiring math students, my x flies around refusing to hold still long enough for me to get a grip on it.
The result is a kind of frenetic glee. But illogically, and yet simultaneously, panic ensues because I don’t know where I’m going with all this. Happiness also spurts out because I do know I’m going somewhere with it!?!
There is one common (if not comforting) thread in my mental hurricanes. They are usually thought to be impossible by people who know such things. I sometimes wonder if that’s not the energy that feeds my motivation.
For example, when I was told by a bank that they couldn’t even loan me a cup of coffee (or something like that) because: 1) my idea to help “at risk” children wasn’t really needed; and 2) I was charging affordable rates, so might not have enough money although I had been managing the payments for some time already, and 3) two years back I hadn’t made enough money to qualify me for the loan being requested (yet at the time I was making more money because I no longer had two sons in college!).
Go figure. Maybe you’ll have better luck than I did on understanding that one.
New ideas have to be broken in like new shoes but the dangers of falling lava are much worse. But, I stayed focused on it, measuring it out, talking about it (both enthralled and horrified), and it really happened:
They said it couldn’t be done.
They said it wasn’t even needed.
But I can see it clearly now:
The only thing worse than having one of my brainstorms is the aftermath — years of work!
A friend suggested I could go pester some Eskimoes into letting me hide in an igloo until I cool off my volcanic thoughts. Or maybe I’ll resign myself that when I have a dream, there’s going to be extra work to do, chasms to cross, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll stand under the sweet stars and say, “We did it – ain’t it fine?”
The above was a reflection on doing the impossible when something inside you says you “just gotta” and you rush blindly into the challenge of uncertainty:-) The author started a private school which she ran for over 20 years, learning from and teaching some of the finest children in the world!
– Copyright by Hildra Tague. Obtain permission for use online or in print. –