When the caregiver’s arena of management and daily tasks is so full it’s about to burst, even the best nurturer can become frozen in time and avoiding of new options and ideas–referred to here as emotional claustrophobia.
Limited Range of Movement
Often the daily routines of a caregiving life can involve a good deal of planning and attention to details. There is a tendency to stay on course with the customary places and activities since those have already been thought out and organized. Therefore, the idea of venturing out to new places, people and situations might appear daunting to the caring person who is responsible for food, medicine, finances, transportation, and even fall-prevention.
Over time this can bring about a limited range of movement for both the caregiver and the patient. This can severely limit social interactions as well as the extra effort involved in seeking medical care for the caregiver.
Limited Spontaneity of Both Feelings and Activities
Due to the necessity of being somewhat tied to the patient’s needs at all times, it is all too easy for the lines to be blurred between the patient’s needs and feelings and the caregiver’s.
This person may be so involved in managing to accommodate the patient’s preferences and requirements that one may begin to suppress his or her own wants and emotions. This can bring about an actual lack of self-knowledge due to a habit of tamping down the caregiver’s needs in favor of what seems to be priority–the patient.
An example is when a friend offered to pick up lunch for a sick caregiver, but when she asked what was preferred, white or dark meat, the answer was what the patient would prefer. The friend tried to nail it down, and repeated the question of, “But what do YOU want?” and the caregiver couldn’t answer! This was a red flag indicating it was time for the caregiver to get in touch with her own needs again.
Fear of Letting Something Bad Happen on Your Watch
The constant call of monitoring and watchfulness which is vital to the role of caregiver will no doubt produce and feed one’s stress levels. That very stress becomes the frame of the caregiver’s life, affecting every living moment, both asleep and awake.
Among all the laudable caregiving efforts runs the heavy burden of feeling somehow responsible for much of what happens to the patient. It takes only a short off-road in one’s thinking to fuzzy the line between being responsible for a patient’s care and being responsible for the diagnosis.
This becomes a background of fear that somehow he or she might not be doing enough for their charge. Then a state of too much constant alertness prevents adequate rest and respite, which in turn negatively affects the caregiving as well as the lives of both of them.
Challenge of Expressing One’s Own Feelings Without Harming the Patient
A vital missing element often seen in a caregiver’s life is reluctance to express negative feelings appropriately. There probably will be a crucial need to grieve the situation which makes the care necessary. There may be regret or even anger at having to give up one’s own goals in order to do what must be done. All of these legitimate negative emotions can bring about guilt–which does not help.
Finding support from either a group or individual who will listen without judging can make an amazing difference. It is worth working to find ways to express these tough feelings in a manner which helps alleviate the pain and make one feel heard, as opposed to just gripe sessions which can amp up the stress levels.
Getting Lost in the Traffic
The traffic jam of duties, medical appointments, insurance issues and daily activities can cloud a caregiver’s perspective.
This congestion of stresses and urgent tasks can cause a delay in finding respite and renewal. This may be due to sheer daily exhaustion, thus leaving no time or energy to look for help.
In conclusion, as hard as it is to do one more thing, spending some time on a regular basis to locate and activate various social services and senior resources will pay off in the long run. They are set up to provide support to caregivers and their patients in such a way they that allows both of them to thrive and live their best life.
So, maybe it’s time to bask in the daylight,smell a flower, and figure out whether you prefer white or dark meat of the chicken!
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Copyright 2016 by Hildra Tague. Obtain permission for use online or in print.
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